Harry in the shower
by Silver8
Summary: Like nearly everything in Harry Potter’s life, even taking a shower is a doom-laden, disturbing experience, accompanied by dark thoughts and scenes which nightmares are made of. Cold water in the magical world seems to have unexpected side effects…


Harry in the shower 

Summary: Like nearly everything in Harry Potter's life, even taking a shower is a doom-laden, disturbing experience, accompanied by dark thoughts and scenes which nightmares are made of. Cold water in the magical world seems to have unexpected side effects…

*Harry's inner monologue in the Gryffindor boys' bathroom*

Oh, how I hate these open showers.

I mean, this is Hogwarts, for goodness' sake, the most renowned wizarding school in Great Britain and they don't even have cabins here??

With the fees they collect, they really should afford it.

Sod it. Now I sound like Malfoy.

I bet *he* has somehow managed to get a bathroom on his own.

He's probably ashamed to take a shower in front of others.

*snickers*

But I guess I shouldn't be talking.

I mean, half past two in the night isn't exactly the usual time for taking a shower, is it?

Of course, I'm only doing this now because I can't sleep, right?

I _so _suck at lying. Can't even convince myself.

Where's the bloody shower gel?

*Accio!*

Ah, here it is.

Damn. It's _empty_!

I bet this was Ron. Not that I blame him, not really, with that lavender-scented thingy he's got from Ginny, which is his only one, he's more likely to not shower at all than using it.

But he could have asked, at least.

I'll put some tickling powder into this and mix it with water.

Maybe this will teach him to –

No!

This can't be happening. Someone is coming!

Sounds like Colin Creevey.

I just hope he hasn't got his camera with him.

Because that could get really embarrassing…

Where's my towel?!

Hey! Accio tow-

It's Neville.

No, I _won't _look.

Apparently, he hasn't been able to sleep, either.

And apparently, he hasn't noticed me so far.

Hope it remains that way.

I mean, as sleepy as he seems, maybe he won't …

Oh no. I expected too much.

He went and accidentally turned on the icy-cold water, of course.

Ow, my ears are ringing. People should be banned from yelling so loudly in rooms with an echo.

Why on earth is he shrieking again??

Something must have disturbed him greatly…

Oh!

*blushes crimson*

I guess I'd better turn around…

Um, any chance of a brain-wave that will bring me immediate and profound knowledge of Memory Charms?

I guess not.

Besides, I don't even have my wand here.

Really, is this fair? Neville has seen so many awful things in his life. He could've been spared just this once, I think.

Not to mention that _I _could have been spared of this encounter.

What use has all this fame and glory if I can't even have a shower in peace?

Neville has fled.

Can't blame him, really.

Would you look at this! He's left his shower gel here!

*Accio!*

Wow… it's 'Murder' – supposedly the best wizarding shower gel around and witches find it exceedingly alluring.

I really don't see why…it smells weirdly and the name's creepy.

Hope it doesn't know the proverb 'Nomen est omen.'

Because that would be a bit humiliating.

Imagine the headlines:

'HARRY POTTER, SURVIVOR OF MANY DEATHLY PERILS, DIED MYSTERIOUSLY IN THE SHOWER FOR NO APPARENT REASON'

'DEATH OF HARRY POTTER CAUSED BY OMINOUS SHOWER GEL' 

I mean, it's not a death worth a hero.

Plus, what would Hermione say?

'That's what you get when you try to appeal to others by your outer appearance, Harry.' – or something like that.

Appealing… Ha! What appealing?

Though I suppose I could be 'Scrawniest Guy Of Hogwarts' any day.

My biggest concurrent would be Malfoy, probably. 

Ah well.

However, *he* is staring to put on weight.

Weight, not muscles, mind.

*snickers*

Oh yes, he is.

I noticed that.

Which, of course, doesn't mean that I watch him all that much.

Certainly not.

And if so, then only in the know-your-enemy-but-otherwise-totally-uninterested way.

Period.

Well. I suppose I figured out why this is called 'Murder'.

It kills off hair.

Aaargh!!

Which idiot said that the belief of cold water having…shrinking effects was wrong?!

*They* were wrong, for Godric's sake!

Oh no, oh no, oh no.

I should really rethink my water temperature preferences.

Then again, it's probably too late, anyway.

I. Am. Doomed.

*end of inner monologue*


End file.
